Self love has been preached for a who knows how long. Just like taxes, no one teaches us how it’s done. It’s assumed that we are somehow magically supposed to learn on our own. *Looks around* where to start, what does self-love even look like? Especially for those of us who struggle with things like depression and anxiety, which are usually accompanied by self-loathing, low self-esteem, and minimal self-worth. So… What do you do in that scenario? How does one begin the healing process or even improve on what they already have? We all have insecurities and there’s no need to exacerbate them by adding negative thoughts and hateful speech into the mix. I’ve learned what I believe to be the first step to self love.
Respect:
By definition is both a noun and a verb.
- Noun: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
- Verb: to admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
When it comes to human relationships and interaction, there is nothing more important to me than respect. I would rather have someone’s respect than anything else. For a long time I always found it necessary to show my respect to others, my elders, my peers, my teachers.. It was instilled at a young age that you respect others feelings, and “don’t be disrespectful” is a common statement that was heard when I was younger. I think respect is an essential piece when it comes to forming a relationship with someone or something. Please note these “relationships” don’t have to be romantic, they can be platonic, professional or familial also. It wasn’t until recently that I realized the most important relationship you will ever have, is the one you have with yourself. Omg so cheesy.
Love, especially self-love begins with respect.
You cannot, listen closely, you CANNOT have self-love without self-respect. It won’t work any other way.
I want to make this very clear before I continue, everyone’s self-love looks different and will most likely look nothing like yours. Finding your version is part of the journey. Back to your regularly scheduled program…
Love does not exist without respect, however respect can exist without love. The keyword in the definition of respect is admiration. Admiration has no limitation, there’s no levels, no beginning, middle, or end. It’s either there or it isn’t… and that is how the journey begins. Start with one thing. It can be simple. Your creativity, your hair, a beauty mark, a special talent, anything. Begin there and build on it.
Example time (yay): While in therapy I had to make a list of 10 things I liked about myself. It wasn’t an easy list to make. But one of the things I wrote down was my perseverance. I have always gotten what I wanted, because I work my ass off to get what I want. No one made me go, but I wanted to attend college and get a degree in biology, it took me 9 hellish years, but I got it. I found my dream career in forensics, so I paid my way through school (again!) and got my CSI certificate. Now I’m a forensic technician. I will never want something for myself and not get it. Granted, perseverance isn’t a tangible trait, but it’s a trait that I possess and deeply admire about myself. So I started there.
To admire begins with recognition and appreciation. Find the small things and compile a list even if it’s 3 things until you can make it to 10, then 20, then 50 things you admire about yourself. These are all baby steps, it can be the smallest step but its a step towards healing and being a better you. Recognize, accept/appreciate, admire, respect, and love… in that order.
Usually along this journey, especially in the beginning phases of recognition and acceptance you’ll find things that you want to improve or even completely change about yourself and that’s part of it. This doesn’t mean that you recognize you’re a lazy person, accept that as true and move on.. *gives you side eye*.. no, it means you recognize that you’re imperfect and don’t hate yourself because of it. Cool? Cool.
So lets start with 3 things, what 3 things do you admire about yourself? Why do you admire them? Write it down or tell me in the comments section.